Baby Day

As the second child (of two) I always maintained you get a raw deal, no matter how much my mother tried to convince me that you love your children the same (I never felt un-loved!) and they both have certain qualities that the other doesn't and are completely individual etc etc. But I still doubted this even as I was pregnant with what would be my second son. How could I love anyone as much as Ned who is so incredibly funny and clever? Then Jim arrived and as the hormones flooded through my body I was worried that this new tiny person was going to replace Ned who was so big and self-sufficient, not small and sweet-smelling and needy like Jim.

What I actually realise is that we were both right. I do love my boys the same, my heart did expand and make room for Jim as everyone said it would (I hate that expression but it works) but my god I don't feel the same wonder I did with Ned. Jim gets moved from room to room, house to pram depending on what Ned is up to and then, when he's at nursery, depending on what I am frantically trying to get done. My two and a half year old and insomnia made sleeping while he napped an impossibility and the fact that I work for myself made me feel pressure to get as much work stuff done as soon as I could after giving birth.

As the weeks passed and I realised Jim was not getting any tummy time, hadn't really smiled (had he?) and I was grinding my teeth through my terrible sub-concious anxiety (related to my depression, often exacerbated by having a baby) and I thought 'the only person who is going to give you time off is you'. It's true. If I say I'm ok to work, then everyone around me will go with it and the older Jim gets the less likely I am to be told to put my feet up. And it's not really about me, yes I love Jim but I definitely feel less bonded to him than I did with Ned at this age, and that's because we never spend that much time together. Because he's nice and quiet when awake and undemanding of me, he wasn't getting the time he deserved.

So two weeks ago I decided that Wednesdays would be me and Jim days. We would hang out together. Yes the odd thing may come up and we need to take Ned to nursery and pick him up but apart from that we are not leaving Chiswick. We'll look at books, chat, cuddle, walk round the shops and in the afternoon we'll nod off together in front of an ITV drama. In a couple of weeks he'll start being left at the gym creche for an hour while I go to the gym and at the beginning of next year we'll start doing swimming lessons but apart from that Wednesdays are ours and so far the difference is already noticable. He smiles a lot and I am calmer and have a day that I really look forward to. This sounds mean, there are lots of days usually but being a self-employed mother-of-two married to a workaholic means that the weeks can merge and everything is a rush.

Because I have named Wednesday's Jim day, I don't try and work, I don't battle against the mountains of laundry and tidying, I don't do face charts and brush cleaning (for those of you who don't know I'm a make-up artist). Instead we look at little toes, blow hot potatoes on his tummy and sing and dance (mostly to First Aid Kit).

I don't want this to sound smug. I just suddenly realised that he was nine weeks and carted around like a bloody heavy handbag and all the time I was marvelling at how the time had flown with Ned. I was so caught up in trying to get everything done and be a working mum that I was neglecting the actual mum-stuff and I can never get that back... Take your time, I think a lot of mum's nowadays are too hard on themselves. Put your feet up and have a good old cuddle.

I used to sing this to Jim a lot when he was a couple of weeks old and feeding every hour or so round the clock - should have listened to what I was mindlessly singing.

UPDATE: The lovely people at the Counselling Directory have asked me to include a link here and in case you need it click here for the specific page on depression. Please, please go and check it out if you need support in some way - it is set up by people who have seen the gaps in the support of mental health.

Professor Scrubbington

This is going to be one of those weird cross-over posts that works on both blogs (if you didn't know I have another blog here) so that's where it's going... on both blogs.

I was very kindly sent some gorgeous Professor Scrubbington products to try out. They arrived just before Jim and therefore sat, neglected on the side in my kitchen in their gorgeous suitcase packaging until finally I actually listened when Ned said he wanted to take it downstairs (where his bedroom and bathroom are) and they made their way to the bathroom. We've been using them (for Ned, not Jim, he's too little) ever since and I LOVE them.

Like many parents I am a slave to Johnson's Bedtime Bath because we will do anything that implies it may help our child sleep. Jim is too tiny to be having actual bubbles in his bath but I use the Johnson's Bedtime Body Wash but Ned, well Ned is a good sleeper (so far) and not that keen on bubbles or having his hair washed, so he was good and ready to try something new.

Professor Scrubbington's Emporioum of Clean is aimed at 'young people who want to take charge of their own ablutions', from the age of 3 up. To that end they are completely child-user-friendly, foams that don't slip off the hand, containers that are squeezable with one hand and the packaging and design is very cool. I also really love the smell, much more 'grown-up' than I was expecting and have been really impressed with the products I've tried. Ned is too, he really likes that they aren't for babies (he's quite superior now he's a big brother) the design and the name. One thing I would say is that initially it's quite hard to work out how to open them but once you do it's actually very clever and will stop the entire product being squirted out by little hands while your back is turned.

So my top picks from the Professor Scrubbington range are...

Scrubbington's Magically Foaming Face and Handwash - £5 for 150ml we have this in the bathroom next to the kitchen for post-loo handwashing and when we need a good sleuce down after supper. Ned really loves that he can pump the soap out himself and stops the shouting about me scrubbing pesto off his face - he can do it himself.

Scrubbington's Magically Foaming Hair and Body Wash - £5 for 150ml. Great for super-quick baths or as an all-in-one to have in the wash bag.
 
Scrubbington's Magically Foaming Shampoo - £5 for 150ml. If you child is a fan of bubbles in their bath then this is a great shampoo to use instead of the hair and body wash above. Smells great and leaves the hair clean and shiny.

These are incredibly reasonably priced so I really urge you to try them out - you can see them in action in my video coming soon

Staycation

My sister and I keep procreating at the same time. Wonderful for us and our offspring but slightly chaotic and OTT for everyone else involved (especially my poor mother who spends the majority of her time on the M3). Since my father died we have gone on our summer holidays to France at the end of August and beginning of September. Initially to drink bucketloads of rose, smoke Vogue cigarettes and dance around whilst drunk to Tom Petty. Then whilst vast (me not Jess, Jess is one of those people who looks like themselves with a reasonable bump on the front) and ungainly. And then again with cheery 9 month olds who slept through the night and were reasonably happy in a 'baby cage' constructed by their dad's out of plastic fencing (they were fine).

See they love the baby cage

This time we weren't so clever. After a few false starts that would have fitted perfectly with out French holiday ambitions we have now managed to have one arrive in June and one due at the end of August. Yes I may have braved the Eurostar with a 2.5 year old and 6 week old but my sister shouldn't really be out of the country on her due date, even I can see that. So this year we are going to our cottage in Norfolk.

Yes Norfolk. Where the sea is at it's warmest in October and mind-numbingly freezing at all other times and there is usually at least three days at a time of teeth rattling wind a week. And I've managed to book work right on the middle weekend which will involve me, a newborn and my long suffering mother driving to Wiltshire and back...

There are many things that I'm quite looking forward too. It's three hours door to door (traffic permitting). You can take your own car. Shopping for a baby is easy. But I'm going to miss the heat, the swimming pool and the rose. One thing that will be amazing about going to Norfolk, however is the food.

Yes I know that Norfolk isn't necessarily famed for it's food, though samphire and lobster should probably get a mention here, but whilst pregnant I didn't eat any shellfish (prawns are the only thing that I've had terrible food poisoning from) so I am planning on eating my body weight in potted shrimp and seeing if I can get hold of some mussels though I think it's not the right time for them. There are some lovely (ridiculously priced) deli's near us where they sell cheeses that walk home by themselves which again, I haven't eaten for over a year. The fish platter at the local pub is incredible and something Joe and I share when we have a (rare) date night. All of this will hopefully make up for any dubious weather, probable sobriety and average croissants.

I had another baby...

James Alexander Reuben Harrod, Jim, turned up five days late (how rude!) on 2nd June...

Green & Blacks Organic Thin Bar

Send a pregnant woman an email asking if she'd like to try some chocolate for review and I think the majority would think like me 'say yes, eat the chocolate, worry about the review later'. If I get sent something and I don't like it, I email the nice person who sent it to me and say why I don't like it and then never hear from them again. This would be sad if it happened with chocolate but it was a risk I was willing to take. I had no need to worry the chocolate arrived and was delicious and better than anything from Green & Blacks I'd tried before. Big statement I know.

Thin Dark Chocolate 70%

Green & Blacks 70% Dark chocolate is the only plain chocolate I really like and the only one I would buy so I was totally thrilled to try the new Green & Blacks Thin 70% Dark Chocolate. The quality and taste of this is exactly the same but the new thin format is a big improvement. One or two squares is perfect with a mid-morning cup of coffee - really smooth and much more indulgent.

As for the whole new flavour Thin Salted Caramel, it is just the perfect side of sickly with the right amount of sea salt. At the beginning of the year when our cottage in Norfolk was finally finished and I spent a lot of time up there unpacking boxes of stuff that had been in my husbands family for decades and looked its age. A depressing and arduous task I took it upon myself to try every available milk chocolate/caramel/sea salt chocolate combination available in the North Norfolk area. I am qualified to tell you that this is the best I've tried.

Having been fairly disinterested in chocolate pre-babies I know find myself getting through bars of the stuff when pregnant (before this arrived an entire big bar of Galaxy went in over the course of one day. This is unheard of for me) - it's an annoying and expensive habit. With these new Thin bars I can have one or two squares and move on - that's the joy of the large flat squares, they last longer. You're not breaking off the next tiny square before you've finished the first mouthful. The Organic Thin Mint Crisp is exclusive to Waitrose until 2nd May and I will be getting a bar the next time I go there without a doubt. May even find an excuse to go out this afternoon.

They are £2.29 each, not the cheapest but great-tasting and seemingly long lasting. I've had these a week and they've survived the insatiable sweet-tooth of a pregnant lady. These new bars are absolutely worth a try. 

Thin Milk Chocolate with Salted Caramel

Potty Training part 1

I've never felt like I've failed as a mother. I had an epidural, a decision I believe a lot more women should feel able to make, it didn't affect my son and I was less traumatised by the whole thing afterwards which is better for him I think. I breastfed for 6 months but gave him top-up formula bottles from 6 weeks when it became clear that he was a hungry boy that wasn't getting enough. With this next bump I am planning to do top-ups from day 1. He started going to half days at nursery when he was 16 months and has enjoyed it and his speech has improved (his sharing hasn't). He has a dummy which I'm hoping to stop soon-ish and he had a bottle at bedtime until he was just under 2. He still has milk before bed if he wants it and a whole big sippy cup full in the morning, sometimes two.

He's a very happy, I think intelligent, little boy and has been deemed the politest boy the nursery have ever had. I think he is very adaptable to growing up (he accepted the switch from bottle to sippy-cup with little complaint) and is good at letting me know what he needs. So at 26 months when he would repeatedly cry in the mornings and struggle against having a nappy put on whilst shouting 'I don't want nappies anymore' I thought it best to start potty training. Originally I had planned to wait until he was at least 2 ½ so we could get it done in three or four days because he would have a better understanding of what was going on. But he was successfully using the training seat when sat on it and so we went out and chose some Thomas the Tank Engine and Peppa Pig pants and went home to start.

It started well with a few accidents but mostly success but a weekend away from home with certain unanticipated distractions and he completely relapsed. Hated going to the loo and said he wanted his nappies back. Having been a firm believer that once you had started you had to persevere I didn't want to quit but when he was just happily walking around in wet trousers on day 5 having just refused to go to the loo I though 'enough is enough'. I would never have started this early without him wanting to give it a try - it was making me frustrated and this frustration was beginning to show and I don't want this to become an ordeal for both of us that goes on for months.

So he's back in nappies and I feel like a failure. Yes I do think he's too young and I probably should have stuck with that belief. Was I selfish thinking it would be better to get this done before the new baby arrives and we move house? He's adaptable but those are big changes. Will he now be off the whole idea until he's 4 (too old in my opinion though some may disagree)? If he hadn't had a disrupted weekend would he have stayed on track or was success actually just luck because it was just me and him? Though I am always supported by my husband potty training is such a personal thing (many an hour spent playing in the bathroom over the last week) that I now feel very alone with my decisions. I'm not sure how long it will take me to pick up from this.